Toilet Tours / South Coast Victoria

Toilet Tours:

South Coast Victoria

There is a certain solidity to the toilets along this stretch of south coastal Victoria. Toilet blocks are built to last. Except, perhaps, for the more recent constructions.

The town of Port Campbell offers a solid building with additional steel bar security. Are the locals in the habit of stealing the external plumbing ? Or does the steel fence protect against accidental car crashes into the pipework ? Indeed, the external pipework is the only vulnerable aspect of the solidly built structure.

Even the customers are solidly built and not liable to sudden movements. For ten minutes I waited outside, waiting for the sole occupant of the Gents to vacate the sole cubicle. Waited... and waited... Finally I set my wife to guard the entrance and used the Ladies. As we drove away, the solid citizen was still firmly ensconced in the toilet. A slow reader, perhaps.

A side trip to Boggy Creek revealed another solid structure by the Boggy Creek creek. Built in the traditional rectangular shape, yet with bricks of stone. The well-placed rubbish bin adds another useful feature to the picnic area which has been provided to accompany these toilets.

And then there is Nullawarre...

Nullawarre offers a pleasant break on the drive along the Great Ocean Road. Friendly service and instant coffee in the pleasantly aged village Restaurant. With the more recent addition of a combined toilet block and barbeque shelter adding an extra convenience to visitors who would otherwise barely notice the town. Only a spot on the map, yet well worth a brief pause on life's journey.

Another minor detour and another very solid stone building. In the Tower Hill park, the toilets share space with tourist information. The hill behind provides an equally solid backdrop (as well as a geocache). The thundering and rumbling sounds are, perhaps, nothing more than an echo of the volcanic crater in which this building is built.

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These reviews are provided by Agamedes Consulting. For an independent and thoughtful review of your processes, problems or documents, email nickleth at gmail dot com.

Toilet Tours / Cloning Around

Toilet Tours:

Cloning Around

Collusion ? Conspiracy ? Or simply Cloning ? You be the judge !

In a separate post I described the unique features of two timber toilets: unique features yet suspiciously shared. Was this collusion of design ? Copyright theft ? Or is there a more sinister explanation: illegal and undeclared Cloning. Irrefutable evidence is presented below.

At Blanket Bay Beach we had no suspicion of the evidence which we were about to uncover. Yes, there were "very similar" timber toilets at the campsites of Blanket Bay and Ryan's Den. Yet the block at the beach of Blanket Bay presented no evidence of further toilet block clones:

Now note the toilet block at Cape Otway:

Compare the photos above with that of the toilet block at Aire River:

Secretive authorities may deny the similarities. In a sensible precaution against the power of these bureaucratic and powerful "government" agencies, I did not dare ask the question. Yet consider:

• A series of semi-detached cubicles, each with its own swinging and locking door.
• The raised roof, offering protective deflection of airborne observation.
• The storage tanks at the end -- directly adjoining identical steel handbasins !
• The colours, deliberately changed in a pathetic attempt at colour inclusivity !

Now look at the toilet block below. Is this a second photo of the Aire River toilets taken from a different position ? Or is this a government denied clone ! You be the judge ! The evidence is there, in clear black and white ! Or, well, colour:

And now I can present absolutely incontrovertible evidence of a secret plot to clone toilets. Evidence which the government has never released ! Evidence which it would cover up, if it dared, or if it cared ! Compare each of the three photographs below. Three photographs which the unnamed "government agency" will do all in its power to remove from public view. Three photographs which, taken together, provide absolute proof of the cloning cover-up conspiracy and of the cloning conspiracy cover-up:

Photo 1: Johanna Beach, toilets by the carpark.

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Photo 2: Johanna Beach, scientists actually in the process of producing a clone ! (Apologies for the photo quality, we were in fear for our lives. If it were known that we were able to photograph the actual cloning procedure, "the agency" would exert all of its efforts to destruction of the photographic evidence.)

Photo 3: The cloned toilet block. Just 500 metres from the clone-donor. Why so close ? And why place the clone near a separate carpark ?! What is the "government" trying to hide at Johanna Beach ??

Any government agency would refuse to answer our questions; there would be a blanket denial of knowledge, if we dared to ask. Yet the evidence is plain to see.

Toilet blocks are being cloned across the southern coast of Victoria. No beach is safe. Our only safety is in absolute ignorance and unquestioning acceptance of the status quo. We must not act now, before it is too late.

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These reviews are provided by Agamedes Consulting. For an independent and thoughtful review of your processes, problems or documents, email nickleth at gmail dot com.

Toilet Tours / Responsible Recycling

Toilet Tours:

Responsible Recycling

In a style reminiscent of the Ettamogah Pub, this wooden building offers a much-needed convenience at the Johanna campsite. Much needed, especially if I had cooked and eaten my own camp food. (Not that I made that mistake ! The focus of our travels is on public toilets but the source of our meals is the best restaurants available. Or home cooking which is, of course, even better.)

The Johanna campsite toilet -- see the picture below -- has many unique and environmentally responsible features:

• Note, for example, the roof: Open spaces allow for natural air conditioning. Naturally occurring rainwater will, in the rainy season, wash even the "sheltered" wall. From our experience, this would result in walls being washed several times each week.
• The verandah offers both shelter and a view. The actual shelter value is reduced by the holes in the roof. The view, however, benefits from the way in which the entire building is raised above the ground. With the door open, this magnificent view is also available to people inside.
• The access ramp is well suited to wheelchair users. Whether or not a wheelchair user could navigate to the campsite -- along unsealed dirt tracks -- is a moot point. If they arrived, they would be able to access this toilet.
• For those in a hurry, on crowded days, there are also trees, placed conveniently nearby.

Further along the coastal Great Ocean Walk is Ryan's Den. This campsite also offers a raised wooden toilet with verandah and access ramp. The design is so similar to that at Johanna campsite that one suspects a copyright violation, or at least a design collusion.

The photograph below shows another startling design feature of these remarkable toilets:

As noted earlier, the publicly accessible portion of these buildings is raised, in order to allow customers full access to the coastal views. The space underneath is not wasted: it is devoted to storage and recycling of the waste products. This is, indeed, a clever use of otherwise waste space (if you will excuse the pun). After storage, settling and self-composting, waste material is available for Responsible Recycling.

Nor is the recycling dependent on the passing of sufficient time ! Note the water tank on the downhill slope. Liquid waste may be piped directly into this external tank, where it is available for further recycling by responsible campers and hikers.

These structures offer excellent examples of architectural design incorporating sustainable and responsible recycling: waste to water and fertiliser to gardens.

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These reviews are provided by Agamedes Consulting. For an independent and thoughtful review of your processes, problems or documents, email nickleth at gmail dot com.

Toilet Tours / Gimme Shelter

Toilet Tours:

Gimme Shelter

This particular toilet has significance. Personal significance. Let me explain... We were on Day One of a walk, a walk along the Great Ocean Walk. Here are extracts from my journal for that day:

It rained. And it was cold. We were picked up at about 8:15. By which time we had put on our raincoats. From then till two o'clock there were regular patches of drizzle. Not too bad -- but it turned the track into a muddy minor creek.

Our first river crossing -- "usually nothing much at all" -- was reported to be quite deep. So we were dropped at Shelly Beach. Or, at least, at a junction which lead to Shelly Beach. So we missed the Elliott River crossing. Which, we heard later, had water almost up to the knees. Unless we misunderstood the Japanese hiker who told us of the crossing.

The different drop-off point meant that we had a shorter than expected walk. The driver said, give him a call when we finished and he would try to pick us up early. The walk was -- except for the mud and drizzle -- not too hard. Mostly through forest, we had by-passed the beach walk. Finally, we reached the coast: Blanket Beach, our end point for today. Guess what ? A creek flowing out to sea that we had to cross.

We took off shoes and socks -- I put on my thongs (that's flip-flops to non-Australians) -- rolled up pants legs -- except for me, I was wearing short pants -- and waded across. Water up to our ankles. Mind you, our socks were already very wet. I wonder if we should have simply strolled across, boots and all ? Up a few steps to a shelter...

A family of ten or so people having a picnic there. They were camping but preferred a roof over their heads to crouching round a camp fire in the rain. We chatted a while as we put shoes and socks back on. Then we headed off the extra hundred metres or so to our pickup point.

Perhaps we should have stayed in the shelter...

Pickup was to be at a picnic area. With trees but no shelter. And a chilly wind... It seems there were lots of people not starting where planned, or not appearing for pickup where expected. Our own pickup was scheduled for 3:30. It was on time. We had to wait almost two hours... The rain had (mostly) stopped but the wind was chilly. The only shelter with a roof was the toilet. So we spent a lot of time huddled in the building with the long drop dunny...

We assumed that the few passers-by had many a strange explanation for our toilet tenure :-) For our part, we wondered over the need to put a padlock on the toilet roll holder:

And speaking of near hysteria...

Two of us were shaking with cold shivers. We tended to hysterical humour. We were all cold ! It was so good when the minibus finally arrived ! We sat in it, out of the wind, and felt immediately better. The driver still had to search for two more hikers -- quickly found -- and we were off to our night's accommodation.

Ahh ! memories :-) Walking in the rain and sheltering for an hour in a toilet. What a very excellent holiday.

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These reviews are provided by Agamedes Consulting. For an independent and thoughtful review of your processes, problems or documents, email nickleth at gmail dot com.

Toilet Tours / the road to Apollo Bay / 2013

Toilet Tours:

the road to Apollo Bay

Many years ago a man with an axe was walking from Melbourne to Geelong. Unfortunately he took a wrong turning. Melbourne is at the north of Port Philip Bay. Geelong is south, on the western side of the bay. The axeman -- known to his friends as Neville and to the police as A Person of Interest -- followed the bay to the east. This led him along what is now known as Mornington Peninsula.

At a time which was closer to lunch than to morning smoko, Neville passed the isolated shanty-town of Frankston. Neville had been hoping to enjoy a pleasant lunch at Frankston. Unfortunately Frank was, at the time Helping Police with their Enquiries. Knowing that Frank would not object (probably not for 5 to 10, or 6 with Good Behaviour), Neville helped himself to a large steak from Frank's meat safe.

Being an essentially honest man Neville left a note for Frank. He considered a Five Pound note but settled for a carefully scrawled "MOO", with Neville's "X" scratched underneath.

Hoping to reach Mornington by Evening, Neville hurried on.

Yet it was already late dusk as Neville passed by Mount Eliza. It was memories of Eliza's large and violent husband which encouraged Neville to hurry on by. He was in such a hurry that he did not notice the kangaroo in the centre of the track.

The kangaroo was blinded by the glare of Neville's hurricane lantern. In his haste, Neville crashed, at speed, into the stationary roo. The roo was sent flying but -- like an Australian icon taking a secondary role in an Irish joke -- the flying roo landed hard. Stone dead.

Neville mourned the dead kangaroo as he ate kangaroo tail soup for his supper. It was now too late to continue, so Neville set up camp beside the track. The rough workmanship of Neville's axework can still be seen, in the rough bush toilet which he created for his overnight convenience:

The nearby Neville Memorial Convenience is a more recent addition to the area. Both old and new utilise the traditional "long drop" disposal technology. The older facility reflects Neville's sorrow at the passing of a tasty icon, with the single word "ROO" etched on a side wall. The newer facility includes a very modern "handbasin" attached to the front wall:

The next morning, Neville broke camp and the silence of this isolated parkland, as he shot a number of ducks on the nearby pond. These last few of a previously only endangered species were to provide the few pence required to cross, by ferry, to Geelong. "DUC" wrote Neville on a scrap of paperbark. "4 SALE" he copied, from a nearby residential block.

This historic journey by an Imaginary Australian legend is commemorated by the naming of MooRooDuc Highway. Neville would have been proud, if he had not been hanged soon after, for a foolish attempt to remove Arthur's Seat from Arthur's Legs.

Arthur himself has been commemorated in cement-rendered blocks:

Despite the attempted removal of Arthur's Seat, the commemorative convenience includes more Seats than one man -- or woman -- would require at any one time.

It may be noted in passing that Arthur's actual Seat is the second or third to be placed at this location. After The Neville Incident, the original Seat was replaced. There are stories -- or perhaps only rumours -- that this Second Seat was also damaged. However it came to Pass, the Seat which is currently in place is certainly not the Arthur's Seat of the long gone original.

Of less Historical yet more Architectural Interest is the Minimalist architecture of the "Toilet with Outdoor Fireplace" at nearby Sorrento:

Located at the end of the cleverly named "Melbourne Road" --  a two kilometre stretch of bitumen which connects Sorrento to Rye, just a few hours drive from Melbourne -- the Outdoor Fireplace is a Marvel of minimalist design. With both grate and chimney built to maximise effective draw, this design offers all the benefits of a roaring campfire. With none of the drawbacks of smoke within the house.

Certain historians offer the less-likely explanation, that the builders left on the Ferry to Geelong before completing the fireplace.

And finally, to complete this fascinating tour of the Toilets on the Road to Apollo Bay, we stopped in Colac.

This Fascinating Structure (below) is both Simple in its Structural Integrity and Complex in the contradictory Implications of its External Signage. Two entry ways. Signs indicative of Convenience for both Ladies and Gents. And yet... only "1P" is allowed.

The sun was slowly setting on our journey. We had no idea which way to turn. "Turn Left at Colac," said our phone contact from Apollo Bay.

And so we did. And reached our destination only four hours later than expected. Yet fully satisfied that we had seen all of the Fascinating Highlights that this well known Tourist Trail has to offer.

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These reviews are provided by Agamedes Consulting. For an independent and thoughtful review of your processes, problems or documents, email nickleth at gmail dot com.

The Woman Who Died a Lot / Jasper Fforde

The Woman Who Died a Lot
by Jasper Fforde
Thursday Next (8)

humor, science fiction

copyright 2012
read in April 2014

rated 9/10: really, really good

So many good points ! Where to start ?!

As I read The Woman I thought, This is the way that I would like to write ! As I read more I thought, There is no way I could write this well !

Humour with a science fiction basis. Some social satire... but more a social commentary. By which I mean, this book is not a biting satire of today's society. It is -- occasionally -- a gentle poke at the silliness of our world.

There is even a touch of non-intrusive author's opinion. What else is the role of the Enid Blyton activist, if not to present an author's opinion ? Yes, she allows the heroine to use her car. She also allows the heroine to step briefly outside the plot, to deliver an opinion which is otherwise irrelevant to the story.

The essential science is just as I like it: logically coherent, fast-tracked from future possibility and ludicrously unlikely. Just read the explanation as to why time travel has never worked... :-)

The author won a P.G. Wodehouse award for humour. Well deserved ! Like Wodehouse, Fforde writes an entertaining story. With delightful and likeable characters... Even the less likeable characters are, well, quite likeable :-)

There are several plot lines, independent yet linked. Each wrapped up in a perfectly satisfactory and suitably logical fashion. Logical within the essential characteristics of the Thursday Next world, that is.

Okay there are a couple of characters who provide deus ex machina support. Yet not with a sudden bolt of lightning... More of a touch of gentle support as the heroine reaches the end of her own resources.

As to the book series: this is the first that I have read and it's number eight. There are characters who have clearly developed over the several decades span of the books. They are not there simply because an appearance is required by their contracts. They each have a role to play.

The heroine has also aged, with the passing of time from book to book. Both age and previous injuries have slowed her body, if not her mind. Of course the walking stick and limp are essential to one of the plots...

Enough ! A very enjoyable book and I would like to spend all day discussing its various merits ! But I would rather finish this review -- and finish reading the book for a second time. A second reading and I am discovering even more to enjoy :-)

A great pleasure to discover such an enjoyable book. I look forward to reading the first in the series. Very soon.

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Problems ? Solved

Angels of Destruction / Keith Donohue

Angels of Destruction
by Keith Donohue

fantasy

copyright 2009
(partly) read in March 2014

rated 5/10: readable, but only if there's nothing else

A slow, sweet book set in an idealised Norman Rockwell small town. Slow... and tedious.

Is it a plot spoiler to say that the mysterious little girl -- the girl with adult intelligence and magical powers -- is an angel ? An angel who will bring light and joy to the unhappy old woman ? Not so much of a spoiler, as a statement of the bleeding obvious.

I read less than a quarter of this book and have no urge to finish it. The language is poetic in its imagery. The style is languid... and sweet. The logic of the plot is past fantasy and into the fantastic. Fantastic in the sense of unbelievable. Definitely not in the sense of fantastic good fun.

Do you read your spiritual book of choice and then re-read it -- many times -- because you enjoy the message, the message of hope and peace ? Then Angels may be a book that you will enjoy.

Mind you... I skipped to the end... And was surprised to find that the book does not end with a group hug and everyone happy every after. Not quite. Happiness, it seems, is only for the select few. I was surprised.

Thinking back I wonder, is the book boring ? No, not really... things are happening. So what's the problem ?

Things are happening -- but so what ?!

The main characters are drifting through a series of minor actions. Some actions are inexplicable, some are simply unexplained. It all adds up to... nothing which grips the imagination.

So sweet that I cannot bear to say that it is bad. Just a book which I cannot be bothered finishing.

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Problems ? Solved